It used to be impossible for a small-dicked man to do anything about the shitty hand he was dealt in life (and in his pants). But thanks to the hard work and dedication of a few perverted scientists, we stubby and not-so-chubby dudes now stand a real chance in the showers among those horse-cocked sons of bitches.

However, the modern market is beyond replete with products that promise the stars, from pills and ointments to complex devices with integrated exercise programs. So, how does anyone know which option to choose? After all, some of the shit out there is super costly and, if it ends up being ineffective, could turn out as little more than an expensive paperweight at the end of the day. Who has the time (or money) for all that?

Meanwhile, I was introduced to the Phalogenics penis enlargement exercise program and it got my attention. First of all, it’s not like anything else I’ve seen, heard of or tried. Plus, it’s backed by science and manufactured by a reputable company with years of industry experience and top-of-the-line standards. I went into my little “adventure” not knowing what to expect, so the following is my clumsy interpretation of what transpired.

What Is the Phalogenics Traction Program?

“Phalo,” is the Latin word for “dick” and also the namesake of a popular penis extender that’s worthy of at least a few moments of your attention if nothing else. Phalogenics is being hailed as the fastest growing, all-natural penis enhancement system on the market. But, like you, I’m a raving skeptic when it comes to fantastic claims that promise to deliver what I thought was only possible in my wildest dreams – a bigger cock, a stronger erection and better sex as a result.

The Phalogenics lineup is a collection of exercise videos for your family jewels. It doesn’t require any special skills and, if done correctly, can provide some rather impressive growth in both length and girth. To understand how it works, however, you have to understand the underlying basics behind penis enlargement. Because I’m not a goddamn doctor here, I can only say that the powerful combination of stretching and resistance works in tandem to do its magic.

The Main Features

There are no pills, no pumps and no medications involved in the Phalogenics penis enlargement exercise program. What IS involved is a series of instructional DVDs that basically show men how to manipulate their dick in various ways to coax it into growing larger, fatter or straighter. Yes, you heard me correctly: The Phalogenics system is designed to help men with Peyronie’s disease as well.

The scientifically developed program is split up to make it easier to follow and digest. On top of that, it’s compatible with a three-part series of websites that are designed to support penile enlargement clients through the various stages of progress. The program is also set up to work in tandem with a program called “Advanced Sexual Mastery” which helps men improve sexual performance once their ideal penis size is finally achieved. According to the makers of Phalogenics – a unique group of Americans and Europeans – the program can make a man’s penis at least 2 to 4 inches longer within a few months.

Apparently, the manufacturers are confident enough in their work to offer a guarantee, which is something that’s relatively unheard of in the penis enlargement industry. Buyers get 60 days to decide if the program is right for them and if it isn’t, they get a full refund with no questions asked. Luckily for them, I experienced significant growth (about half an inch) before the 60-day mark and thus never asked for my cash back.

What You Get for the Money

While it’s not the most expensive penis enlargement product on the shelves, I’m still not sure how I feel about spending money on a set of DVDs that more or less show dudes different ways to manhandle their junk. Either way, this is what you get in the box when you buy the Phalogenics Penis Enlargement Exercise Program:

• The Platinum Phalogenics Video Series
• Three Bonuses, including:
  • The instructional book “Release the Beast”
  • The instructional book “The Magic Beanstalk”
  • The instructional book “Porn Star Activation System”
• A general instruction manual

You won’t get any free lube samples or anything like that, but you will get the convenience of a dedicated customer service staff that’s available around the clock. And I would know, I deliberately called them 15 times in one day just to make sure they were as well-trained as they claimed to be. As it turns out, they all know their shit pretty well.

I should also note that the “Advanced Sexual Mastery” program is only free for the first 14 days. After that, you have to pay weekly to use it. Taking advantage of the program during the initial complimentary period is great because there’s no obligation but don’t be like me and forget to cancel. Phalogenics allows you to cancel your membership in the ASM program whenever you want; so, don’t be stupid because, in my opinion, it’s not worth the money.

Is Phalogenics Traction Program The Most Effective Way To Enlarge Your Penis?

The Phalogenics program may be unique and it might have helped me grow my penis by at least half an inch, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing I’ve ever tried nor does it mean Phalogenics is my favorite penis enlargement option. In fact, it’s not even close to the top of my list. What can I say; all I want is a penis that hits the sweet spot, harder erections and some of that porn star staying power.

Near(er) to the top of my personal list of faves are The Quick Extender or Phallosan forte if I’m quite honest. Not only do they require far less reading and self-manipulation but they are a lot more discrete and comfortable to use. The QE or PF, which are made from an equally reputable manufacturer, can be worn under your pants to silently convince your dick to grow and straighten up, while the Phalogenics system requires a hands-on commitment of at least 20-30 minutes per session (and a DVD player; who has one of those anymore?).

Furthermore, my results with both were quite interesting. The Quick Extender worked immediately but the subsequent results lasted for only a couple weeks (unless you use it for several months, then the results become more permanent). The Phalogenics Program, on the other hand, took a lot longer to work but provided semi-permanent results. Both made my penis grow significantly, although the length and girth improvements were far more noticeable after using the QE.

Overall, the Phalogenics Penis Enlargement Exercise Program is a great tool for men who lack trust in modern-day science or the penile manipulation devices that come out of it, or for guys who want to take an interactive approach to their penis enhancement routine. I, for one, prefer the lazy way, especially when the results are similar and the procedure is more discreet.

The Cheers and Jeers

I’m not as picky as I sound in this review. I’m also a goddamn liar. My taste for all things sexual is so fucking refined that I can’t help but find flaws in what most people would call the perfect product. My mother calls it a curse; my balls call it a blessing.

With that said, it should come as no surprise that I have something negative (and positive) to say about the “Latin-inspired” Phalogenics Penis Enlargement Exercise Program (and it’s supposed “bonuses” too). So, without further ado, let’s all go to our happy place and get down to business because, quite frankly, this might hurt a little:

PROS

• It Gets the Job Done – The Phalogenics program actually works, which is surprising considering its relative simplicity.
• No Assembly Required – Because this program utilizes no external equipment (aside from your hands and a device on which to play the DVD), it’s one of the simplest penis enlargement products to use.
• Grab You Partner, Do-Si-Do – Did you know that the Phalogenic program was originally designed as a tool for partners to stimulate their lover’s erection? Ok, so that’s not entirely true and you don’t have to believe it, but it would be a lot cooler if you did.
• Just Say No, Kids – This program serves as a healthy alternative to drugs because drugs are bad, mmk?
• Sticks and Stones – Grow your bone with no pain or discomfort whatsoever. With the self-guided instructions, you’re always in complete control.
• Dick Tested, Doctor Approved – Due to the extremely low impact of the exercises in this program, combined with the overall effectiveness, and because of the scientifically-based development of it, doctors typically approve the use of Phalogenics for most men.
• Nice and Neat – There is hardly any cleanup involved with the use of this product. As a lazy pervert, I can certainly appreciate that.
• Don’t Touch the Perm – Phalogenics can provide semi-permanent results if the program is used as directed.
• One for All and All for One – Because this program uses no strap-on tools or dick devices, it’s appropriate for men of all shapes and sizes.

CONS

• Lazy Bones Has Left the Building – You can’t just strap this program to your dick and walk away. It requires a time and attention commitment that some men just can’t give.
• Back to the Future – Hopefully you have a DVD player or an internet-connected computer or smart phone because otherwise you won’t be able to use this program.
• Slow and Steady, Right? – Wrong. The Phalogenics program requires several 20-30-minute sessions per week and results aren’t even guaranteed. Plus, whatever results are achieved can take months to show up.
• Tick Tock – Unlike with penis pumps, pills and topical ointments, Phalogenics does not produce immediate results for the purposes of ad hoc sexual pursuits and is really only ideal for guys with no actual sex life currently.
• Shout It from the Mountain Tops – Everyone is going to find out you’re working on the size of your dick because you can’t wear the program under your pants discreetly.
• Does Anyone Really Know? – Most penis enhancement products claim no guarantees and the Phalogenics program is no exception. Your results will vary from mine and will differ widely from what’s described on their site.

Phalogenics Alternative: Our Top 4 Recommended Penis Traction Devices In 2019:

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more penis. Speaking of prescriptions, you’ll never need one of those to get your hands on (and your penis in) the following four traction devices:

#1. The Quick Extender Pro Deluxe Edition

BEST VALUE FOR THE MONEY

Developed and designed under the strictest of industry regulations, the scientific and medically endorsed Quick Extender Pro (DE) promises to increase the length and girth of your penis or your money back. Made in America using high-end, skin-safe materials, this curious contraption is not only Type 1 CE Certified but it’s also available to the average man without a prescription. It’s made for exceptional comfort too, with an advanced double-strap support system (DSS) to minimize slipping and increase the efficacy of the device.

Having been featured in countless magazines and on numerous public media platforms since its inception, the quality QEP maintains its #1 ranking as a one-of-a-kind penis enhancement package and can be sold either by itself or as part of the Deluxe Edition kit (shown here). Get personalized guides, inspirational and informative instructional videos, and semi-permanent/permanent results in as little as a few weeks with up to 4000g of spring force traction.

PROS

• 24/7 customer service available
• Lifetime warranty on the device
• Money-back guarantee
• Customizable fit
• Lightweight, ideal for long-term wear
• Ideal for Peyronie’s disease
• Comes in a velvet-lined storage box, perfect for gifting and discretion

CONS

• Complex, lots of small parts to keep track of
• Not ideal for post-op penile tissue repair
• Can be difficult to clean

OVERALL OPNION:

One of the best options for the price as long as you can get over the complexity of the device itself.

READ REVIEW TO GET A SPECIAL 20% DISCOUNT CODE!

#2. The Phallosan Forte

BEST FOR BEGINNERS

Prized for being extremely ergonomic and user-friendly, the Phallosan Forte is often chosen because of its simple yet modern approach to penis enhancement. When used as directed through the easy-to-follow instructions, this thing has the power to increase the size of your shaft in as little as three months. Best of all, it comes with a free smartphone app that helps you track your progress by recording training times and giving you tools to customize exercises for maximum results.

Backed by more than a decade of diligent research, this German engineered device is now sold in hospitals, pharmacies and doctor’s offices around the world. It’s even covered by most major insurance companies, especially for patients who suffer from Peyronie’s disease. Deemed safe and effective by leading urologists and recipient of a global patent, this powerful and innovative contraption is ideal for just everything that pertains to your penis – erectile dysfunction, prostate surgery recovery, boosted sexual stamina, etc.

PROS

• Expandable sleeve for comfort with slight erections
• Ideal for overnight wear
• Ideal for Peyronie’s disease
• Natural boost to arousal and potency
• Tips, tricks and special discounts available on the smartphone app
• Guarantees measurable penis growth (length and girth)
• Simple functionality

CONS

• Cannot be used in/around water
• No customizable fit

OVERALL OPINION:

Aside from the one-size-fits-all concept, this is the most comfortable, durable and robust PED on the market right now.

#3. The SizeGenetics Comfort Package

BEST FOR COMFORT

Clinically tested and endorsed by medical professionals, this penile extension device is not only backed by an exceptional manufacturer’s warranty and hailed as one of the most comfortable devices on the planet, but it also promises at least an inch of growth within just six short months and comes with a money-back guarantee. More than that, though, the SizeGenetics Comfort Package uses a 20-year track record to continually provide safe and effective enlargement through a well-made machine that can be obtained without a prescription. In fact, this non-conventional contraption has been featured on countless media outlets – often prized for its all-inclusive design and unrivaled functionality, not to mention for its comfort.

As a Type 1 medical device, this marvel of a mechanism utilizes an astounding yet universally safe 2800g of tension to stimulate growth within the penile tissues. And as the first penis extender ever to have a 58-way comfort system, it’s appropriate for long-term wear and can even be used overnight without pinching or causing skin irritation. By the way, the manufacturer’s website features a “My Diary” page that helps you track your progress as it compares to other users, so you’ll always know whether the device is working correctly or not.

PROS

• Great customer service
• Ideal for Peyronie’s disease
• Unmatched comfort
• Comes with a sleek, black storage box, perfect for gifting and discretion
• Customizable fit
• Natural boost to sexual stamina

CONS

• “My Dairy” tracker somewhat rudimentary
• Complex, lots of small parts of keep track of

OVERALL OPINION:

Although it’s kind of expensive by comparison, this ultra-powerful penis enhancement kit has the traction and comfort we can all appreciate.

#4. The Male Edge Extra

BEST WORKOUT

Sleek, modern and sophisticated: Those are the three words most likely used as inspiration during the development of the Male Edge Extra penis enlargement device. Not only does it guarantee a significant increase in the length and thickness of your shlong but it accomplishes that goal in six months or less (as long as you use it as directed, of course). The machine itself is tremendously streamlined and simplified for super easy use, using a supportive exercise program included that involves routine workouts as the main “ingredient.”

Compact and comfortable, this powerful yet gentle device delivers a strong and steady current of traction to your penis for maximum growth and straightening. Also, the very same ergonomic design is available in three different experience levels: Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced. Best of all, you get access to an online progress tracker that’s designed to help you determine the most effective usage techniques while enjoying the world’s first and only evidence-based method of permanent penis enhancement.

PROS

• Waterproof
• Lightweight, ideal for overnight wear
• Simple functionality
• Unheard of 200% money-back guarantee
• Comes in a sleek, retro-style storage bag, perfect for gifting and discretion
• Includes a ruler and web-based tracking assistance

CONS

• Traction not as intense as some other devices
• Progress tracker available online only

OVERALL OPINION:

While it may not be the most powerful PED on the market, the user-friendly design and effective workout regimen make this device ideal for almost anybody.

The Final Verdict

I can’t talk too much shit about the Phalogenics Penis Enlargement Exercise Program or else I really would be a damned dirty liar. To be fair, the program works and it’s painless, plus it’s good to use with a lover and can accommodate men of all shapes and sizes. However, I think maybe it would be better suited as a complementary product instead of a stand-alone solution to small, flaccid or curved penises.

What I’m trying to say is, I’d suggest using the Phalogenics exercise routine in conjunction with a good stamina training unit or manual masturbator (like a super soft pocket pussy or detached sex toy sleeve for instance). Adding a little texture or automation wouldn’t hurt either. I’m just throwing out ideas here, but the point I’m making is that the program seems incomplete in a mysterious sort of way and you’ll probably have to compensate for that somehow.

So, if you’re going to spend your money on this product, I’d suggest thinking about what your ideal penis enlargement routine would look like. Do you see yourself hiding, huddled in your unkept bedroom trying to manually exercise your family jewels into submission? Or, do you see yourself sitting back to relax while a well-made device does all the work for you? I know which one I would choose, but then again, I’m not really the hands-on type.

While the modern market of high-tech fuck toys is replete with viable options, some of them are far more expensive than many men can afford. The average high-quality toy costs about a hundred bucks, and that price is before you buy lubricants, accessories, or batteries. It’s no wonder why so many dudes are opting to make their own shit. Although we don’t necessarily agree with doing that, we can’t blame them. After all, blue balls are a son of a bitch.

At A Glance: Our Top 6 Picks for Alternative to DIY Fleshlights

The Tinkerers Think Tank

If you’re going to do it then you might as well do it right. Nobody wants to be the guy who has to call an ambulance because he got too creative with his fuck sticks without being knowledgeable first. That shit is embarrassing, not to mention potentially deadly. While we wholeheartedly suggest saving up for an actual sex toy, (use our discount codes to save a massive amount of money) we can understand the fact that that’s not always possible. So, in the event that you must craft your own, there are a few things you need to know.

TO OUR UTTER SURPRISE, MOST OF THE HOMEMADE FLESHLIGHT POCKET PUSSIES ARE NOT ONLY VERY GOOD BUT ALSO EASY AND CHEAP TO MAKE

First of all, not all sex toys are created equally, and some are pieces of shit in and of themselves regardless of their price tag which suggests otherwise. Trying to replicate something you see on a website or in stores is always a good place to start, but you should know that you will seldom (if ever) achieve the same level of quality that you see come from a worthwhile manufacturer. The key to being happy with your homemade crapshoot is to understand that there are always a few degrees of separation between it and what you find on the shelves. Simply put, prepare for disappointment to prevent yourself from being . . . well, disappointed.

Our Recommended Alternatives To DIY FLESHLIGHTS:

IMAGE	PRODUCT
Our Top Pick	Our Top Pick	Autoblow Artificial Intelligence Handsfree robotic blowjob toy 12 different blowjob modes Uses interchangeable mouth or pussy sleeves	GET THE BEST PRICE →
		Lelo F1s Penis Vibrator The world's first SenSonic sextech console for men Featuring 10 sensors and a LELO app to track your progress Very silent, discreet & waterproof	GET THE BEST PRICE →
		Fleshlight Launch Stamina Training Pack Can offer a fully automated blowjob by connecting to online databases containing VR and POV porn content Real-time hands-free masturbation with super intense vulcanic orgasms Has manual and interactive mode	GET THE BEST PRICE → Use coupon code: MensToyshub for 10% discount
		Fleshlight/Kiiroo Onyx 2 Can be enjoyed with a VR set to create interactive virtual porn with partner or downloadable content Multiple masturbation modes Operates quietly	GET THE BEST PRICE →
		Kiiroo Titan Designed to boost your stamina and maximize your endurance in the bedroom Super-quiet, for when discretion is needed Connects to interactive content	GET THE BEST PRICE → Use coupon code: MensToyshub for 10% discount
		Lovense Max Hands Free Automatic Male Masturbator Discreet Appearance Vibrates and contracts	GET THE BEST PRICE →

Furthermore, the best shit in the industry achieved its lofty reputation by being well-made, solid pieces of craftsmanship. Tinkerer or not, you’re hardly likely to create anything nearly as fantastic as what’s offered in stores. These sex toy making people work hard alongside a gamut of scientists to develop industry-leading materials, ergonomic designs, and arousing pleasure settings. With anything homemade, the best you’ll get is something barely good enough to get off in. Just keep that in mind.

A quick scan of a few YouTube instructional videos might have you thinking that you can accomplish this shit with ease, but we warn you of the contrary. Those “helpful” guides should be watched with a healthy dose of skepticism and with the realization that decent toys are made by the pros (which you are not). Since the Fleshlight brand is one of the most imitated toys on today’s sex toy market, we will start there by showing you what to do (and what not to do) in terms of crafting your own replica. You’re welcome, cheapskates.

The Making of a Masturbator

After checking out hundreds of self-made sex toy instructional videos to find the best ones, we have selected a few that are most likely to get you the closest to the real thing as possible. Remember that you’ll probably still have to spend a little money to acquire the appropriate supplies. However, we’ve done our damnedest to ensure that the supply list for each of the homemade toys listed here is still cheaper than buying a pre-manufactured product.

Also, keep in mind that the FDA has no approved the use or ingredients of any of these DIY pocket pussies. In other words: fuck them at your own risk. Oh, and regardless of the materials used to make these things, always use a high-quality water based lube before sliding in.

NOTE: Most of the toys we picked require the use of latex gloves which act as the inner sleeve lining, but those bitches can be too short for long dong having bastards. Latex gloves can also rip or tear when things get hot and heavy, causing more mess than they’re worth. So, we suggest replacing them with XL condoms because they’re bigger, softer, and more durable.

EXPERIENCE AUTOMATIC HANDS FREE MASTURBATION WITH YOUR FAVORITE ADULT STARS

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Homemade Fleshlight #1 and #2 – Towel Masturbators

Making a homemade towel masturbator is super simple and somewhat more effective than manual masturbation. As a matter of fact, pent up dudes in prison use them all the time, so you know they work. In addition, these things are really easy to hide, store, and recreate over and over again.

Supplies Needed

• A small or medium-sized towel
• A latex glove or condom
• A rubber band

How to Make It

There are actually two different versions of this toy. The only difference is whether you roll or fold the towel, although they both feel unique due to the variant in the canal’s shape. Here’s how you do it:

Version #1

Version #2

• Fold or roll your towel to create a long, narrow canal. Leave some of the towel unfolded or unrolled for the next step.
• Put your latex glove or condom on the towel, ensuring that the glove or condom cuff is hanging over the end a bit.
• Fold or roll the rest of the towel over the glove or condom.
• Stretch the glove or condom cuff until it’s up over the top of the towel.
• Fold the exposed part of the glove or condom over the rolled or folded towel.
• Secure it with a rubber band (or two if you feel like doing so will make the toy more durable).

TIP: To create a canal that’s not too tight or loose, use a standard toothpaste tube as a mold when you fold (or roll). Of course, you’ll want to be sure that you remove the tube once the canal structure is achieved.

Our Judgement Call: How Good Is the Towel Fleshlight?

The thickness of the towel you use will directly affect the tightness achieved – thin towels are sort of loose and thick towels are usually tight. Furthermore, if you use a brand of toothpaste that comes in a small tube, your measurements may be off just a tad. You’ll likely have to make this son of a bitch a couple times to get the hang of it or to create a canal that fits your dick.

While the Tantalizing Towel masturbator will get you off if you do it right, it’s nowhere near as good as the real deal. The sensations are far less intense than they are with manufactured masturbators because there is no noticeable texture, but it still feels better than a self-given hand job. You won’t be able to dive very deep either, but you can manually control the tightness with a simple squeeze. Overall, this DIY toy will get the job done and that’s all that matters.

Homemade Fleshlight #3 – Sock Masturbator

You’ve heard of men masturbating into their tube socks, but this thing takes shit to a whole new level. A DIY sock toy is even easier to make than the Tantalizing Towel, and it’s likely that you already have the supplies needed to create it without spending the first red cent. Score!

Supplies Needed

• A pair (or two) of long, cotton sport socks
• A latex glove (or condom)
• A rubber band

How to Make It

Using ankle socks is not recommended for this thing, so if you don’t have long sports socks then you’ll be forced to go out and buy the right shit. No sweat; most socks are super cheap, and we wouldn’t suggest springing for anything fancy if you’re just going to brick inside of it anyway.

• Fold each of the socks so that they both have a puffy cuff.
• Stack the folded socks on top of one another.
• Sandwich your latex glove or condom in between them, leaving some of the glove or condom sticking out about an inch or two.
• Wrap over the socks the portion of the glove or condom that’s stick out.
• Secure the whole thing with a rubber band.

Our Judgement Call: How Good Is the Sock Fleshlight?

The longer the socks you use, the better control you’ll have over the tightness of your newly fangled toy. Long socks allow you to adjust the placement of the rubber band more easily, and thus you can constrict the canal as you see fit. Furthermore, the tightness of this thing is quickly customized using a simple squeeze of your hand, as is the case with most DIY sex toys.

Using socks is also a much more comfortable option than using towels, as many socks tend to be a lot softer than the latter (especially if you opt for fleece or something like that). And while the texture of a fancy Fleshlight is not available with this thing either, it still gets the job done if you make it and use it as intended. We just wonder if the people at Fruit of the Loom know what some people are doing with their products.

Homemade Fleshlight #3 – Toilet Paper Roll Masturbator

Although the name of this toy sounds a bit trashy (literally), it’s still a great tool to use if you’re not into folding and measuring a canal for your throbbing cock. It’s also much easier to make and can be crafted quicker than anything on our list.

Supplies Needed

• A toilet paper roll
• A latex glove (or condom, of course)
• A rubber band

How to Make It

This bad boy is definitely one of the easiest DIY sex toys to create, and best of all, it can be thrown away when you’re done. There’s no laundry to do either, and it can be stored away quickly in the event that someone walks in on you handling business. Best of all, it’s practically free to make.

• Remove the tube from the paper by unrolling it and wriggling it out.
• Put the latex glove or condom through the hole in the roll.
• Wrap the glove or condom around the outer part of the roll.
• Secure it with a rubber band.

Our Judgement Call: How Good Is the Toilet Paper Roll Fleshlight?

You can easily adjust the tightness of the Tempting Toilet Paper Roll masturbator by leaving some of the paper on the roll. You won’t be able to do much squeezing to control your sensations, so hopefully your dick is big enough to suffice. We’re not certain that modern toilet paper rolls come in more sizes than one, unfortunately. However, this thing feels about as good as it gets considering you’re using literal trash to get your rocks off.

Luckily, this DIY jizz monster is slightly tighter feeling than towels or socks, mostly due to the one-size-fits-all rim of the roll. The overall softness of it depends on the quality of the toilet paper you use, but you still won’t feel much of a texture inside unless you spring for a ribbed condom. Furthermore, the penetration depth is somewhat restricted because of the relative size of the roll, so this bitch is basically only good for one thing and that’s corona stimulation.

Homemade Fleshlight #5 – Sponge Masturbator

You’ll probably have to go on a short shopping trip to create this one, since it’s likely that you don’t have what you need for it just lying around the house. Then again, you might; we don’t know how you live. Either way, it’s still very cheap to make and feels about as good as any of them.

Supplies Needed

• A can of Pringles or Lays potato chips
  • You can use a tall cup if you can’t find what you need.
• 2-4 kitchen sponges
• A latex glove or condom

How to Make It

Whatever you do, make sure the sponges you use for this thing are small enough to fit inside the can or cup you choose. In addition, the sponges should be soft or else you (and your sensitive dick) will be very sorry.

• Put the first two sponges down into the bottom of the can.
• Push the sponges into the sides of the can to create a small canal.
• Stick your glove or condom in between the sponges.
• Stretch the glove or condom so that it comes out of the can.
• Wrap the extra glove or condom material around the outside of the can through the opening at the top.
  • The size of the can or cup should be wide enough to suffice security for the condom or glove without the use of a rubber band, but one can be used if you’re afraid of it slipping.

Our Judgment Call: How Good Is the Sponge Fleshlight?

While this self-sustained DIY toy is super simple to make, easy to store, and quick to throw away, it’s not as pleasurable to use as some of the others on this list. However, the sensations caused by the sponges feel more like a human body than any sock, towel, or toilet paper roll (as long as the sponge is soft, of course). Furthermore, the softness of the sponge also determines the tightness of the canal, since it’s damn near impossible to control it otherwise because of the hard structure of the can or cup.

Additionally, the sponges may or may not envelope the penis as much as you’d like, especially if your dick is on the small side. We suggest cleaning out the can before using it too, or else you may have a bunch of nasty chip grease on your junk when all is said and done. Overall, this toy might be a good choice for men looking for something a bit more realistic feeling, but unfortunately, with that benefit comes a handful of disadvantages.

Homemade Fleshlight Sex Toy #6 – Cornstarch Jelly Masturbator

This homemade sex toy isn’t one of our favorites, but it’s on this list because it (and ones like it) seem very popular among DIYers. Mind you, it’s important that this thing be created correctly to prevent skin irritation and infections.

Supplies Needed

• A large cup (preferably not glass for obvious reasons)
• Corn starch
• Water

How to Make It

As one of the more difficult self-made sex toys on the list, the Captivating Cornstarch masturbator is like a sexy science experiment for adventurous pervs. It’s not very easy to make, especially if you’re new to this type of thing; but, it’s pretty easy to get rid of it or hide it if necessary, so there’s that.

• Fill a large cup ½ full with cornstarch.
• Add water until the cup is about ¾ full.
• Stir the mixture thoroughly with a spoon (or butter knife if the cup is large).
• Place the filled cup in the microwave for about 1-2 minutes until the mixture turns to jelly.
• Once solidified, poke a hole in the middle and microwave it again for about 30-45 seconds.
• Place a rounded stick or pole into the solidified mixture, making sure the stick is slightly smaller than the size of your dick.
  • Choose a stick with some grooves or patterns to give your masturbator a little texture.
• Refrigerate it all for about 45 minutes.
• After cooling, remove the stick and pull the jellified cornstarch from the cup.

Our Judgment Call: How Good Is the Cornstarch Fleshlight?

The finished product should look and feel like rubber, not gelatin. The more you microwave it and refrigerate it, the better the outcome will be. However, there’s no way to warm it back up so you end up fucking something that’s much colder than your ex could ever be. For most guys, that’s not exactly the most favorable sensation on the planet and we can certainly understand that.

This toy is basically a sad version of the famous Fleshlight, and it falls apart kind of easily when it’s fucked too hard. That quality alone makes it frustrating, not to mention it doesn’t come with a case so it gets sticky when you get going. However, aside from it being flimsy and cold, it’s probably the one toy on this list that’s most closely related to the sex toys you’re used to. In short, if you’re going to cut corners, there’s a price you’ll have to pay. Time to ante up, boys.

A Concise Comparison

Side-by-side, these DIY sex toys are vastly different from one another. Although we remain surprised by the creativity and ingenuity of the world’s perverts, we still prefer real, professionally manufactured toys over these blasphemous bastards. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Some might argue that these indecent things are good alternatives to real Fleshlight toys, but if you’ve ever used a Fleshlight, then you’ll know how bullshit that belief really is. Out of all of these bitches, you’ll probably have the most success using the Sexy Sock or Tantalizing Toilet Paper Roll masturbators and that’s sad for a million reasons. However, those are both devices that are easily replicated when needed, not to mention beyond cheap.

The Final Verdict

In essence, using a self-made manual masturbator is proof positive that you’re not only lonely but also broke. Regardless of the cards you’ve been dealt, making your own jerk off machine is cheap and easy so at least you’re not cursed all the way around. These things are made from easily attained ingredients and supplies, not to mention that most of the shit you need can either be found in your home or at your local supermarket. And since everything used is innocuous, nobody will know why those items are on your shopping list.

Still, nothing feels better than an official Fleshlight except for real sex, and even that’s debatable with some of the intense and creative models that the company offers in their inventory. There’s a good reason Fleshlights are some of the most imitated toys on the market. Not only do their products last longer and feel better, but they have some insane accessories than can take you to places that have you wondering why you deal with real people at all.