I like a classic masturbator as much as the next guy, but there’s just something about a super high-tech device that really gets my motor running. Nowadays, it seems as though every major sex toy manufacturer is coming out with their own version of the next best thing. However, even in a world full of robotic machines, quality always trumps quantity.
When I was first introduced to the trusty LELO brand back in 1782, their inventory was relatively small, somewhat unimpressive, and not much to talk about. Since then, the brand has made some major adjustments that have catapulted their reputation into the big leagues. Their once embarrassing lineup is now compatible with top dogs’ toys, not to mention the fact that most of LELO’s products are counted among the most high-tech in the industry.
And that leads me to my main point: this F1s Developer’s Kit contraption that the LELO boys just introduced. The name, although quite misleading and mysterious, had me thinking I was about to be propositioned into a perverted pyramid scheme. Thankfully, the futuristic nomenclature is just a clever way to describe what has to be the most revolutionary male sex toy on the market, at least in my experience.
What is the F1s Developer’s Kit Red?
So, what makes the Lelo F1s Developer’s Kit Red such a top-notch tech machine? Well, for one, it’s designed to encourage the nerve endings in our cocks to wake the #^@& up. How does some 360-degree stimulation sound? Oh, and it’s called a “Developer’s Kit” for a very good reason: this thing let’s us customize our meat-beating with more precision than anything else I’ve ever seen.
Once you get the toy (I feel like it’s not even fair to call it that), you’ll gain immediate access to an exclusive interface that allows you to tinker with sophisticated sensors and other “techie” settings to personally script a sexy session. The Software Developer’s Kit is completely free to use, definitely worth your time, and works independently from the already mind-blowing preprogrammed settings of the machine itself.
In fact, the primary reason for this device’s instant success has nothing to do with the software development kit. Yes, it may technically be considered “the world’s first SDK sextech platform,” but that doesn’t seem to matter (probably because most people don’t know what the hell that is). As it turns out, the toy’s hyper-innovative, statistic-worshiping features are what make it so popular. I did a thorough investigation of the F1s DK because, quite frankly, I’ve been burnt before. To my chagrin, I had very little to complain about.
The Main Features
The mighty manufacturers, a.k.a. the majestic wizards down at the LELO factory, claimed to have bridged some invisible gap between nature and science with their new smart toy, the F1s. In other words, they’re saying the device makes downloadable porn and VR goggles seem incomplete. I mean, imagine a world where you could manipulate the settings of your favorite sex toy down to the finest detail before strapping on some virtual reality glasses and cranking one out in a real-time 3D fuckfest with your favorite porn star. These are the best days of our lives, boys. The future is now.
Anyway, aside from gaps and fantasies there are a few more important matters at hand – the main features of the Lelo F1s Developer’s Kit Red, for instance. Although I’d agree that the Developer Software is a majorly awesome feature (it even lets you track your progress using internal sensors for crying out loud), I haven’t even made it to the good parts yet. Check this stuff out:
- It uses dual internal motors to produce a series of intense sensations within the chamber by way of sonic waves (their patented SenSonic technology). Like, for real, you’re seriously jerking off to sound with this thing.
- It has 10 highly sensitive performance sensors, which is just a fancy way of saying it reads your body’s cues better than your best lover. It’s also a great way of saying it automatically monitors, controls and manages the rhythm, but whatever.
- It’s got these curved grooves that run along the inside of the sleeve – for heightened pleasure during masturbation obviously.
- It can be set to automatic by switching on the Cruise Control feature.
- Its built-in 3-button intensity level controls are mad easy to reach and manipulate, making this toy an ideal product for my brothers with mobility issues (or an obsession with whacking off one-handed).
- It features a clear window panel in the otherwise solid casing, adding a little spice for all you voyeurs out there.
- It’s made from a premium grade textured aluminum alloy and ABS material (body) and medical-grade silicone (sleeve).
- It comes with a free app that works with other F1s toys (and most other LELO brand toys for that matter). Plus, it’s compatible with both Android and iOS, allowing every owner to access LELO SDK (the program that let’s you finagle with the app).
- It’s Bluetooth ready.
- It’s rechargeable using a standard USB cable, and a fully juiced up battery will usually give you between 2 and 2.5 hours of playtime.
- It’s completely waterproof. Can you believe that shit?
- It’s also a machine that combines classic pleasure with updated fun: conventional vibes meet sonic waves. One tickles the surface while the other permeates the shaft to deliver a spine-tingling sensation in all directions.
- It’s a super masculine-looking matte black color with sexy red accents. To be quite honest, it doesn’t look like a male masturbator at all.
- It’s nice and compact, which is sort of surprising considering everything that’s packed inside the protective casing.
- It measures about 5.5 inches (143mm) in total length.
- It measures about 2.8 inches in circumference (Note: the insertion diameter is a lot smaller).
- It has an insertable length of just under 4.5 inches (which may be its most glaring drawback).
- It weighs less than a pound though, so at least you won’t develop Popeye Arm during this whole ordeal.
With a resume like that, it’s not hard to see why the LELO brand is so quickly rising in the ranks around here. But, it takes more than a couple high-tech features and an ergonomic design to get me excited. Luckily for these guys, I just so happen to like the way they put it all together.
What Comes in the Box?
On the other hand, the packaging for LELO’s F1s Developer’s Kit Red is . . . how do I put this nicely . . . disappointingly lame. However, I guess since buyers get so many goodies inside the box the manufacturer decided not to make the container anything special. Mission accomplished, guys.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you get the following items for a price tag that’s, to be fair, rather comparable to the other high-tech sex gadgets out there:
- The LELO F1s Red SenSonic Trainer (of course)
- A small bottle of toy cleaning spray
- A USB charging cable
- A starter guide
- A set of full user instructions and warnings (plus a downloadable PDF manual)
- A nifty “Do Not Disturb” sign
- A pair of fingerless patent-leather gloves
- A soft, satin drawstring storage pouch
- A manufacturer’s warranty registration card
Notice how you don’t get any lubricant samples? Yeah, me too. So, out of straight-up rebellion, I tried using this thing without a proper lube job. Big mistake. My advice: stop complaining about the things you don’t have and start appreciating the fact that you need to buy an industrial-sized tub of lubrication now that you own the baddest toy on Earth.
How It Feels
Usually, I have a myriad of flagrant words to throw around when describing how a specific sex toy feels. In this case, however, it’s difficult to find a base of comparison. The 360-degree sonic waves are so engulfing, so smooth and flawless that it’s made me resent everybody who attempts a blowjob on my now spoiled rotten dick.
The fact that I’ve been able to tamper with the app itself to develop my own settings and routine is downright criminal. Those silky ridges throughout the supple canal, the ultra-precise sensors, the Cruise Control, and that fucking peeper window – an amalgamation of features that will (most likely) soon become the standard by which all other sex toy manufacturers measure themselves.
This high-tech piece of mechanized art operates with such precision and control that it warrants the question: Does the F1s have a soul? It packs such a delicious punch to the penis that I’m struggling to find the words. Put simply, it is an anatomically-acquainted piece of aluminum and silicone that makes you second guess your current relationship status.
The Cheers and Jeers
I know, I know. It’s a lot of hype about an expensive luxury, especially coming from someone who’s made a profession out of handing sex toy manufacturers their asses. What can I say, though? I’m genuinely impressed by the sheer effort that was put into creating this device. It’s sleek, it’s sexy and it’s scientifically proven to generate some major movement downstairs, if you know what I’m sayin’.
Still, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t have at least a handful of things to bitch about in regard to the LELO F1s Developer’s Kit. But since that list is relatively short, let’s talk about the many positives first.
- Rain on Me – The Lelo F1s is 100% waterproof, so you can bring it with you to the rainforest without worrying about predators.
- Heavy Duty – The device is super durable despite being exceptionally lightweight and easy to maneuver.
- The Price Is Right – For such a high-performance machine, this thing is surprisingly inexpensive by comparison.
- Slip and Slide – I, for one, was shocked to find out that the high-tech F1s is 100% waterproof. You don’t see that kind of shit every day.
- Lights, Camera, Action – The F1s uses a simple lithium ion battery (already installed) and it’s fully rechargeable.
- That DK Though – An already amazing sex toy that lets you personally tinker with its programming for a super customizable experience? Yes, please.
- Window Shopping – That see-through window on the side of the chamber is a nice touch, especially since I’m my dick’s number one fan.
- Circle Jerk – This bad boy offers 360-degree pleasure via the 10 sensors running up and down the canal.
- 1-2 Punch – The combination of traditional vibrations and sonic waves is an incredible and entirely innovative experience.
- Keeping Up with the Joneses – The F1s wouldn’t technically be considered “high-tech” if it wasn’t Bluetooth compatible, would it? I didn’t think so.
- There’s an App for That – Get out your smart phone, boys. It’s time to pretend we’re software developers so we can masturbate better. Our mothers would be proud.
- Look Ma, No Hands – You can use the F1s manually or switch on the Cruise Control option for hands-free play.
- Stubbed and Snubbed – Because the F1s DK offers only 4.5 inches in insertable length, it may not be ideal for longer dicks. Sorry, guys.
- Long and Strong – The rechargeable battery may be powerful and last for a while, but it takes 2 or more hours to fully charge and the USB cable is kind of short.
WHERE TO BUY LELO’S F1s DEVELOPER’S KIT ONLINE:
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The Final Verdict
Overall, I think the boys down in the LELO Toy Development department did a pretty good job of creating a masculine-looking male sex toy that’s both familiar and surprisingly innovative. It may have features we all know and love but it certainly has a few I’ve never heard about. The seamless marriage of those features is impressive to say the least. Let the record show that I only had two negative things to say about this one.
I try to remain objective but it’s difficult with the F1s DK because it’s so bad ass. The price isn’t too shabby, the user interface is on point, and the maker’s palpable dedication to customization is otherworldly, especially at this stage in the game. Although LELO hasn’t always been known for pushing the envelope of design or innovation, perhaps the tides are finally turning. It will be interesting to see what they come up with next. You can find more information or buy F1s Developer’s Kit at the official Lelo’s website.
Despite the fact that John James is quite the character, there is one thing he has in common with everyone else: he likes a high quality sex toy just as much as the next guy.
Noticing that there were no legitimate websites out there reviewing all the amazing synthetic vaginas on the market, John James set out to do something about it.
After all, it is painfully obvious that today’s men really need to know more about their options.