In the land of handheld masturbators, there can be only one that reigns supreme. Up until now, the Fleshlight and Kiiroo brands have been the folks to beat, but it seems as though things are a’changing now that the TENGA brand has introduced their new Zero Flip Hole Rechargeable Vibrating Male Massager device – a high-tech sex toy that’s gaining popularity faster than some of you dudes bust a nut. When I heard about this bad boy, you already know I had to take a test drive to discover what all the fuss was about. Given that I am an avid Kiiroo and Fleshlight fan, this new shit had some huge shoes to fill.
Now, I’ll start off by admitting that I was initially skeptical about the overall quality of the Zero Flip Hole by TENGA, but I also kept an open mind. I’ll also say that my skepticism wasn’t unfounded. After all, I don’t like to spend a lot of money on a sex toy unless it gets up to make me a sandwich after I’m done spooging in it. Unfortunately, this thing leaves you feeling hungry in more ways than one.
With that said, I can’t rightly justify the price of this new toy either. However, I do have a few positive things to say about it. The designers have obviously taken notes from the guys at Fleshlight and Kiiroo, and you know what they say: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” At the same time, few things ever beat the original when the original’s design is unbeatable; and furthermore, charging customers a bunch more money is never appreciated, but I digress.
Either way, the new TENGA Zero Flip Hole is pretty nice, but that doesn’t make it the best thing on the market by any means. While gadget-loving guys might rejoice in its invention, old school penis punishers know that if something isn’t broken, you just don’t fix it. Regardless, the boys at TENGA have a good thing going here – those rookies. But let’s stop talking shit now and start talking shop, shall we?
What Is the TENGA Zero Flip Hole EV – Rechargeable Vibrating Male Massager?
You’ve heard of things called “Fifi’s,” right? Well, this thing here is more or less just a fancy version of that shit. TENGA Zero Flip Hole EV is little more than a high-tech, TPE-covered sock with vibrating functions. And if that’s not enough to deter you from trying one, I should also tell you that it’s not even big enough to fit a dick that’s longer than 6 inches. Well, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s back up a bit.
This superbly designed sex toy does have its merits, but it’s certainly not in the same league as some of the best products on the market, although its high price tag might convince most people otherwise. While I would open admit that it’s a good Fleshlight alternative, I can’t honestly say it’s as good as the grandfather of good sex. The TENGA version has the textures we all love and the vibrating capabilities we can all appreciate, but there’s just something about it that makes the toy seem a tad overpriced for the short list of things it does (comparatively speaking, of course).
Still, a good Fleshlight toy plus a few accessories and cleaning supplies will cost you nearly the same as the TENGA device, but that’s not the point. The TENGA EV isn’t quite as well-made, lacks in technological supremacy, is much smaller by comparison, has far fewer texture choices, and possesses relatively standard features, which we should discuss right meow. No, I’m not kitten you.
The Main Features
Yes, the TENGA brand has been around for a while, but that’s not saying much considering the progress they’ve made, or lack thereof, especially in terms of the kinds of toys they introduce to the market. The original Flip Hole wasn’t much more impressive than this new shit, so I’m just not sure the brand’s designers are learning their lesson. For starters, the new Zero Flip Hole, while featuring 5 different vibe functions, is rather limited in its ability to do much more. It’s not automated whatsoever, can’t connect to Bluetooth or other devices, and has a canal diameter of only ½ an inch – much too small for guys with girth.
Secondly, the Zero’s main appeal is its ability to be submerged in water despite its electronic operating system which, to be honest, is impressively powerful. That power is, however, partly due to the manual pressure pad on the side that allows users to customize the strength of the toy’s suction as they fuck it. With a convenient one-way valve, the toy provides a super strong vacuum force that, if not used right, can pull your dick from its foundation. I suggest reading the owner’s manual before diving in, but that’s just me.
If strong, tailor-made suction isn’t your thing, perhaps this toy’s semi-transparent design will get your goat. Especially for the voyeurs among us, being able to see yourself penetrate the toy is a sight for sore eyes. Still, the Fleshlight Ice gives the same effect and for less money, and the Fleshlight Vibro offers a much better buzz in my opinion. Combine the Ice or Vibro with that brand’s Launch and you’ll get the whole kit and caboodle for just a few more sheckels, plus you’ll be able to interact with live porn, enjoy real-time long-distance sex with a partner via Bluetooth, choose from a cornucopia of sleeve textures, customize your play time with a shit ton of accessories, and use it with any of your existing Fleshlight or Kiiroo toy as well.
The most redeeming property of the TENGA is that it’s a helluva lot more discrete than the ultra-recognizable Fleshlight. But, unless you’re planning to pleasure yourself out in the open, that shit doesn’t really matter, now does it? The choice is yours, buddy.
What Comes in the Box?
If your comfortable with the somewhat hefty cost of the TENGA brand’s newest toy, be aware of what you get for the money. Although the box is swanky looking, which further adds to the discrete properties of this modern, mysterious device, it doesn’t contain many items. Here are the only things you’ll find:
- The TENGA Zero Flip Hole EV (Electronic Vibration)
- A charging port that doubles as a storage stand
- A standard USB charging cable
- An instruction manual
Unlike Fleshlight (and sometimes Kiiroo), you’ll get no lube sample or even a taste of the brand’s toy cleaner that comes highly recommended for proper routine maintenance of the toy. So, on top of spending a shit ton of money on the toy, you’ll end up forking over a few more bucks to use it without chaffing or getting an infection. Furthermore, you won’t get anything to store your new friend in, so regardless of it being more discrete, you’ll still have to figure out where to put it when you’re all done.
How Does It Feel?
I know that a lot of the online reviews you’re reading about this thing are singing its praises, but that must be because they’re getting paid to do so or something. I’m just gonna keep it real here: of course, this toy feels hella good when you fuck it; it’s designed to make you cum after all. But, the fact that it’s soft and squishy and can vibrate the jizz from your balls doesn’t exactly make the TENGA Zero EV worthy of such high praise. This is especially true for dudes who have been around the block a time or two.
Considering the design is set up to simply open and close around your dick, the tightness factor is definitely there. And because it can vibrate in multiple speeds and features a tickly texture inside, the Zero EV by TENGA is still quite pleasurable to the average penis, for what it’s worth.
The Cheers and Jeers
Nothing is perfect, not even the shit we love the most. So, make sure you check out the cheers and jeers of this thing before making your mind up either way.
- Get in the Vibe – With nearly half a dozen different vibration speeds and intensities, this thing is bound to have at least one setting that hits the spot.
- Good Looking Out – The semi-transparent material used is just right for guys who like a little visual verification of their penile prowess.
- On the Books – The book-like open and close design makes this toy ideal for dudes with fat cocks, especially since the upper opening is only ½ inch wide.
- Wet and Wild – Unlike many electronic toys on the market, this bad boy is fully submersible in water up to 3 feet because of its unique waterproof covering.
- Clean and Clear – Due to the revolutionary open-ended concept, the TENGA Zero EV is super easy to clean, even if you fuck it up really bad with your man candy.
- Bullet for My Valentine – The exceptional power of this toy is derived from a single vibrating bullet, making it super durable and ultra-efficient.
- Catch a Charge – The toy uses no batteries, nor does it need to be plugged into an electrical outlet because its fully rechargeable.
- Tiny Tim – Not ideal for men with dicks larger than 6 inches long and a ½ inch wide, the TENGA Zero EV is too small for dudes with above average crotches.
- Doesn’t Play Well with Others – This thing is a loner for sure, having no compatibility with anything on the sex toy market, or anything on the technological market for that matter.
- Fuck You, Pay Me – You’ll spend more for the Zero EV than you will for most other high-end masturbators, but you’ll get a lot less for your money.
- That’s It? – The toy being discussed here only features 5 vibe functions and that’s about as fancy as it gets.
- Limited Mobility – Since the suction function is only adjustable with your free hand, this son of a bitch won’t even work for dudes with mobility issues. Poor fuckers.
- Bore Whore – With only one sleeve texture option, this piece of shit gets boring QUICKLY.
- Time’s A-Wasting – While the toy is fully rechargeable, it takes a goddamn decade to get it up and running again. Ok, so it’s only 2-3 hours, but still.
- Copy Cat – I feel like the TENGA Zero Flip Hole is trying way too hard to be like the Fleshlight Vibro, only it’s not as cool and it’s far more expensive.
The Final Verdict
There isn’t much more I can say about the new TENGA Zero Flip Hole EV Rechargeable Men’s Masturbator besides that I don’t necessarily suggest it, especially for men who are concerned about the quality-to-price ratio of the toys they buy. If you, like me, prefer to stick to the classic brands that have been around long enough to know what dudes are looking for, then stay away from this beast or it will cost you. Still, like I said, the Zero EV has its merits and, if used right, can still get the job done. I suppose that means its just a matter of personal preference (and budget). Just don’t expect to win an award for spending more money than is needed to bust a nut.
Put simply, if you’re looking for a high-quality toy with supreme suction and fine function, you’ll probably be better served going with something else, even if the TENGA is putting forth its best effort. In today’s massive sex toy market, there are plenty of better quality toys out there and they won’t cost you an arm and leg either. Furthermore, toys like the ones made from the Fleshlight brand will offer you a lot more, especially in terms of overall functionality, material quality, texture choice, accessory options, and customizations. So, although TENGA is a decent brand with notable products, the designers still have quite a way to go before they’re lifted into the lofty leagues of the kings of kink.