There used to be a stigma placed on sex toy use and it was no fair to horny men and women around the world. After all, people have been fashioning their own homemade versions of these things since way back when, so it made no sense for us to start treating folks like they had a disease just because they enjoyed self-pleasure and couples play. Meanwhile, the industry responsible for making these products was exploding at the speed of light and men were left with few places to store their ever-increasing stash.
Some companies provided storage containers with their devices while others did not. And even the brands that made a killing off of selling all-inclusive items couldn’t always keep up with the demand. Eventually, consumers had to choose between high-end sex toys without adequate storage or lower-end products with included containers. Only a handful of manufacturers threw them into the box and many of the bags provided gave little protection to the device itself. Hiding their sex toys became a game of trial and error for most guys, but as prices increased, so too did the need for better options.
Why Is Hiding Your Male Sex Toys Important?
You could be like some guys and just leave your sex toys lying around the house for anyone to see. And while you’d have to come up with lots of excuses to explain the various shapes and sizes on display, those in your home would eventually come to grips with your weirdness and start leaving you off the guest list at certain functions. It is what it is, right? Wrong. Hiding your sex toys is extremely important and it has more to do with your health and wealth than your popularity. In fact, many device manufacturers insist that their customers properly stash stuff to preserve the integrity of the product inside.
Whether keeping your dirty laundry a secret or protecting the components on your device, adequate storage is vital to your overall experience, especially with something in the personal pleasure category. Today’s toys are full of specialized features that need shielded and many of them are expensive to boot. As such, here are the top three reasons to hide your sex toys for men even when you don’t give a damn about your reputation:
- Exposed Devices Can Gather Debris
Think about your favorite pocket pussy, onahole or manual masturbator. Now think about the materials that make it great. That flesh-like covering deserves the same attention that real skin would get before and/or after penetration. Exposed sex toys are susceptible to the dirt, dust, debris and pollen in the air. Unfortunately, those things aren’t always visible to the naked eye, plus they can cause serious skin irritations or allergic reactions if you’re not careful to wash them before playtime. That’s why hiding your stash is so important. It prevents the accumulation of funk on your fuck sticks and helps you avoid the embarrassment of sexual shame.
- Improperly Stored Toys Are Accessible to Pets and Kids
You may not give a damn about what people think of you, but children are a little more impressionable when it comes to acceptable behaviors. They might not understand why or how you use a male sex toy and those conversations seldom go over well. Even if you don’t currently have kids, pets can pose a threat as well. Dogs and cats that find your improperly stored supply might be tempted to sniff, lick and chew on your stuff. Unless there’s visible damage, you won’t even know about the nastiness that’s on the surface until you’re making an appointment with the doctor.
- Poorly Kept Products Reduce Warranty Protections
Higher-end pleasure products almost always come with some sort of warranty or quality promise from the manufacturer. Usually, that warranty needs to be registered within 30 days of the purchase date to remain in effect. However, no protection plan in existence covers willful negligence, which means you’ll be responsible for protecting your products after they leave the box or else the coverage is deemed invalid. Items that aren’t hidden well enough end up getting discovered or, worse yet, broken or damaged because they were subjected to pressure, liquid or otherwise. Don’t be a disorganized dick or a horny hoarder. Keep your precious playthings in their rightful place at all times.
See? You don’t have to be socialite to appreciate the value of clever storage and sex toy hiding. This is a very private matter, after all. Why would you want anyone to know about it unless you intended to fuck them anyway? When that happens, the habit of hiding will allow you to whip your man-made magic out of its perfectly selected spot like a boss. Or, you could always suffer the consequences of being sloppy.
Storage Wars: Creative Ways to Store Your Male Sex Toys
It may require an addition expense in some cases, but storage solutions are generally inexpensive and extremely versatile. With that said, your methods of hiding will depend heavily on the form and function of your device. It’s also important to understand the impact that lifestyle and busyness have on your decision. To simplify, let’s break it down into the two most common places that men are located in when they’re playing pocket pool with a male sex toy: Home and Away.
3 Ways to Hide Your Sex Toys at Home
Knowing how to hide your sex toys at home can be extremely tricky, especially if you live other people. There are a few good ways to beat the system though. Here’s how:
- Put Them in Your Bedside Drawer
Sometimes, the best place to store your favorite playthings is right beside the bed you’ll be using them in. At home, it’s all about things being as comfortable and convenient as humanly possible, and it just so happens that your nightstand provides the perfect spot for a sex toy that needs protection. If your crap inside is properly organized then most devices can fit easily inside the drawer with plenty of room to spare. Just make sure there’s no abrasive liquids or other products that might compromise the integrity of your stuff. To be safe (instead of sorry), always keep lubes and sex toy cleaners in a completely different location.
- Hide Them in Your Closet
If you don’t have enough space in your bedside table, a nice spot in a well-organized closet should do the trick in most cases. Keep in mind, however, that you don’t want to just shove your shit into the space like a pair of old shoes and walk away. There are a few extra steps to take with this one, especially if you plan to hide it on a high shelf or around items that get moved around a lot. Always place your playthings in their included drawstring pouch or carrying case or buy something if one’s not included. Don’t have any available options for sale? Wrap your toys in a sheet, pillowcase, towel or t-shirt for optimal protection and easier access.
- Stash Them Under the Bed
If all else fails you can always slide your sex toys under the bed when you get done using them. Remember, though, that spaces like those are notorious for collecting dust and all sorts of different things. As such, any under-the-bed hiding needs to be done carefully. My suggestion is that you first place the item in a durable container and then slip it beneath the mattress for later use. If the container is big enough and the space accommodates, you may even be able to throw in the accessories and lubes you use when you play with it.
3 Ways to Hide Your Sex Toys Abroad
Finding clever ways to store and hide your supply while you’re on the road or in the air takes patience, knowledge and an appreciation for creativity. Here are some quick and easy ideas:
- Slip Them into a Zippered Case
Many times, high-end male sex toys will come with a durable, structured case (usually with a zipper or a drawstring closure) for easier storage, discretion and travel. You’ll usually find bonuses like that alongside devices with travel lock features or interactive capabilities. Either way, you’ll have to find something to put your products in while you’re away from home. Your best bet is to stash them inside something that won’t succumb to the pressures of being tossed around a bit. After all, there comes a point when your luggage isn’t in your hands anymore, and you don’t want to open up your bag to an unpleasant surprise when you reach your location.
- Stow Them in Your Checked Luggage
When you go somewhere, especially on an airplane, there are two different types of luggage: the checked bags and the carry-on. Many people choose to hide their sexually related products in their carry-on containers but that’s truly the worst idea possible considering modern-day TSA regulations. In the event that there’s an emergency or an impromptu baggage check, you’ll get embarrassed by the officials just because they’re doing their job. Checked luggage gets examined slightly differently and isn’t in your direct possession on-board the plane, allowing you to keep certain things a secret until the time is just right (AKA: when you get to the hotel room).
- Mail Them to Your Location Ahead of Time
There’s a lot of risk involved with traveling onboard a plane or train while a sex toy is in your bag. Between random inspections, mishandling from staff, lost parcels, and added weight, going places with certain sex toys can be a real pain in the ass. For many, it’s even a deal breaker, which can cause problems in some long-distance relationships. To avoid the conflict altogether, check local and/or international laws to see what’s legit. If possible, you can always mail your device discreetly in a box to meet you at your destination. This method prevents the possibility of being embarrassed about your habits while also helping to keep your investments intact. TIP: Opt for the insurance if it’s offered.
It’s a good thing that storing and hiding your sex toys is so easy. After all, it’s extremely important and can help you save face despite your filthy ways. Whenever possible, keep your playthings put up like your mama taught you because, quite frankly, that’s the only way you’ll ever get the most bang for your buck.
Making It Count
No matter what you do or where you go, there are a few golden rules to male sex toy ownership that every man should know. It’s how you make your purchases count; it’s how you revel in the good decision you’ve made; it’s how you prevent avoidable disasters from happening at the worst possible moment. Here are final 10 things you need to understand:
- Don’t ever place your sex toy around water unless otherwise stated as okay by the manufacturer.
- Keep your devices out of direct sunlight as much as possible, especially if it’s made with skin-like materials, mechanical components or electrical parts.
- Even if you’re out of options, storing/hiding your stuff in a place that’s exposed to extreme hot and/or cold temperatures is a very risky move.
- After thoroughly cleaning your product as instructed by the manufacturer, give it enough time to dry fully before sticking it in whatever storage container or spot you’ve chosen.
- Read the full owner’s manual before attempting to wash or hide your toy.
- Keep any storage containers free from dirt, dust and debris so that the filth doesn’t transfer onto your device.
- Measure the dimensions of your products before deciding on an appropriate hiding place because toys don’t grow but messes do.
- Never leave your device exposed or out in the open even if you live alone.
- Consult the manufacturer for more information about proper storage techniques and available containers if the manual doesn’t list it.
- The boxes that most toys come in are usually not deemed appropriate for long-term storage.
Despite the fact that John James is quite the character, there is one thing he has in common with everyone else: he likes a high quality sex toy just as much as the next guy.
Noticing that there were no legitimate websites out there reviewing all the amazing synthetic vaginas on the market, John James set out to do something about it.
After all, it is painfully obvious that today’s men really need to know more about their options.