When asked to describe BDSM in a single sentence, the only thing I could come up with was this: “Imagine finding a bruised bite mark on your best friend’s back, and then being cheerfully introduced to the unremorseful person who put it there.” This kind of consensual kink is definitely not for the faint of heart, nor is it for the people who think it’s a joke.
We doms and subs simply understand something that most people do not: That the mind and human body are both capable of so much more than we give them credit for. In fact, the desire to push my psyche and physique to the brink is what introduced me to this increasingly popular lifestyle to begin with. At first, I was skeptical, but now I can never return to a “normal” way of having sex.
Throughout the journey through the recesses of my perverted mind, I’ve had the pleasure of using a ton of toys and tools designed specifically for mind-blowing, boundary-destroying sex with a partner. It hasn’t always been easy for me to reach climax, assert my dominance or submit to my sir, but the lessons I’ve learned taught me more about this ancient erotic practice than my parents taught me my entire life. These kinky games seem to have a permanent place in society’s heart, or at least it does in mine.
What Does “BDSM” Even Mean?
BDSM is just an acronym that stands for “bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism.” For many participants of this ancient erotic practice, the initial appeal is more about obtaining some sort of mental and/or emotional arousal as opposed to strictly physical stimulation. However, properly executed sessions often involve corporeal contact of many varieties, including but not always limited to tickling, spanking/flogging and hog-tying.
More intense forms of the practice can involve things like orgasm restriction, forced chastity, genital torture, temperature play and other unconventional means of gaining sexual satisfaction. Sometimes confused with abuse, the distinction is that responsible dominants and submissives always enjoy their planned roleplaying acts consensually with other equally kinky adults.
In fact, there’s an entire community/subculture that has sprung up around this tantalizing type of activity, with hundreds of manufacturers now following suit as they steadily flood the market with naughtily appropriate devices. These days, the once taboo pastime is seen as not only socially acceptable but also therapeutic in many ways. Openly discussed on several mainstream media outlets, the practice is considered a safe and healthy way to enjoy your partner (if it’s done right).
What Is a BDSM Sex Toy?
Commonly known as “self-pleasure devices” or “marital aids,” sex toys of all kinds are purchased and used by people from all over the world – from perverted virgins jerking off in their grandma’s basement to PTA-leading soccer moms with a natural thirst for good sex. BDSM devices, however, are in a class all their own and I think it’s time we started respecting the differences (or at least started getting educated about them).
With a wide variety of high-quality components, user-friendly features and body-safe materials to enhance any intense sexual experience, these fetish devices are made to support your nastiest and most off-collar desires, even if that means using them to dole out or receive some serious pain. Sexual aiding machines and contraptions are, in general, favored for serving their purpose without needing much effort on the user’s part. However, bondage-related tools are usually far more intimidating to look at and use than your regular, run-of-the-mill marital aids.
But because this erotic behavior consists of such a wide variety of practices and games, many people actually enjoy it without even being aware of the fact. Appropriate activities range in intensity and can also be tailored to the participant’s requirements at any point. The extremes that you and your partner(s) go to is completely subjective to your sexual appetites and personal boundaries. Therefore, the variety of products included in this category is rather large by comparison.
Pungent, powerful and precise, the best options make it easy for you and/or your partner to explore the boundaries of your psyche and physicality. The industry is full of amazing options, but the most popular products often include the following items:
Whips/Floggers
Canes/Rods
Body Ticklers
Electrostimulation (E-Stim) Machines
Cock Cages/Chastity
Pussy Clamps
Nipple Clamps
Butt Plugs
Anal Beads
Prostate Massagers
Pocket Pussies/Male Masturbators
Cock Rings
Dildos
Vibrators
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Bullets
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Rabbits
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Finger vibes
Handcuffs/Ropes/Ties
Stainless-Steel/Precious Metal Probes
Sex Furniture
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Chairs
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Swings
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Slings
Strap-Ons
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Harness Compatible
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Strapless
Urethra Stems
Enema Machines/Anal Douches
Pussy Pumps
Pussy Spreaders
Penis Pumps
Blindfolds
Ball gags
Collars and Leashes
Fetish Costumes
Medical Tools
Interestingly, an appropriate tool for this kind of thing can be almost anything as long as it’s safe to use and satisfying to everyone involved. I’ve seen people use high-heel shoes, candle wax and ice cubes too, but you’ll never find those things on the contemporary marital aid market. The products mentioned above are speciallydesigned to support the wishes of the world’s biggest (or smallest) sadist; it’s as simple as that.
Why Buy Special Products for This?
Come prepared every time you intend to play around with dominance/submission or sadism/masochism. The techniques used can be dangerous if they’re not performed by someone with knowledge or experience. Furthermore, the interpersonal dynamics of the people involved are at stake when you play these games, which means you always have a responsibility to do things the right way.
Owning an adequately stocked treasure trove of appropriate items is the only way to ensure everyone has a good time (every time). As a matter of fact, anyone who currently has at least one will give you a swift run-down of the benefits and drawbacks with a smile on their face. Everyone is eager to share their opinion, but some things simply can’t be debated. These products tend to reveal their worth (or lack thereof) almost instantly. Considering they sell by the millions to people all over the world, it’s obvious there’s a use for them.
In most cases, high-end options that are properly used can provide you and/or your partner(s) with these 10 sex life perks (at least):
Express Yourselves More Fluidly
First and foremost, products in this category are designed to help you and/or your partner express your sexual desires in a healthy, robust, and long-lasting way. Remove inhibitions through the use of these appropriately crafted devices, even if you’re new to this kind of kink.
Push the Envelope on Your Love Letter
Not sure how you/your partner is willing to go to fulfill unquenched desires? These kinds of contraptions support the roleplaying games required to excavate your erotic fantasies, allowing you both to expand, explore and experiment with your sexual boundaries in a safe and controlled environment.
Increase the Reaches of Your Imagination
You never really know what you and/or your partner are capable of enduring or doling out if you never attempt to find out. These particular products can serve as the external inspiration required to discover what’s truly hidden in the depths of your collective imagination.
Experience a More Robust Climax
The build-up that’s created during properly executed masochism is like nothing else on Earth, evidenced by the ever-expanding subculture surrounding it. Because of the general practices and behaviors involved, almost everyone has an experience that’s so intense it results in a supremely satisfying orgasm (when it’s finally permitted, that is).
Enjoy Group Sex Activities
While conventional sex toys can sometimes suffice in a pinch during bondage, dominance, sadism and/or masochism games, the best results always come from specially designed products. And since these types of activities often involve two or more participants, today’s best options usually have features to support that.
Boost Session Safety and Satisfaction
Being involved in serious sadism (in any form or intensity level) takes tools, skills and etiquette. It doesn’t matter who you are, how long you’ve been doing this, or what your intentions are. Without the right equipment, someone is bound to get hurt and that’s one embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
Establish Unquestionable Superiority and Dominance Over Your Submissive
Defining roles can be tough, especially when those roles are contrary to the roles played outside the bedroom. Properly made and selected devices help you establish dominance over any submissive, even if that submissive is having a hard time figuring out who’s boss.
Help Maintain the Respectable Status Quo of the Community
Anyone can be dominant to their partner, but it takes someone with class and sophistication to pull off being a sir. It also takes a few good toys in your collection, lest you go about all this in such a way that it embarrasses the entire adult community. Not cool, bro.
Enhance the Fun and Functionality of Your Existing Collection
The toys that you enjoy using on a regular basis can becoming your favorites all over again when you use them during roleplaying games, restriction, or dominance activities. The added element of surprise is only the tip of the iceberg here. Let your imagination take you the rest of the way.
Quench Long-Time Desires and Fantasies
Thanks to these specially made devices, you and your partner no longer have to sit on those deviant sexual fantasies that have been driving you mad. Even if we’re talking about a decades-long desire, the contemporary market has a little something for everybody. And if they don’t, there’s likely an accessory to suffice the shortage.
Keep in mind that, while all this may sound fantastic, the only way to enjoy any of it is to find and buy the ideal products beforeyou get started. It’s almost impossible to engage in any kind of safe and satisfying bondage if you’re caught unprepared. Plus, that kind of behavior makes you look like you’re not in control of the situation – not a good look on a sir who wants to be taken seriously by a sub.
The Top 10 Ways to Find the Perfect Products
Selecting the ideal toys for these kinds of games isn’t always swift and painless. It requires patience and diligence, but it also takes some basic knowledge about what’s out there. Today’s market is overflowing with choices – a double-edged sword that keeps many consumers in the dark. But no matter what sort of product you’re looking for in this industry, there are a few factors that always make a huge difference in how much pleasure you experience.
Keep in mind that modern-day manufacturers spend good money to produce attractive advertisements, and consumers are always eager to share their opinions (good or bad) with the herd. However, looking at the following 10 things is the only surefire way to make up your own mind without needing anyone else’s interference (and you’ll end up with the perfect product too).
The Size
When it comes to the products that you plan to use on or in your body, the size of it is of the upmost importance. These kinds of tools are no exception to that rule. Bigger isn’t always better, and compact isn’t always cute. Check for things like insertable length, girth, width, and weight to ensure the product in your shopping cart has the body-friendly dimensions that you and your partner(s) need for a safe, sensual and satisfying session.
The Shape
The curves and contours of that tool in your hand will affect how you use it and how it feels to your partner, making it a consideration that should be made in the very beginning of your sex toy selection process. Additionally, the overall shape of the device should match your intentions, meaning you should buy a rounded object for penetration or a flat object for flogging. In general, however, the ideal shape of the device is ultimately up to you.
The Materials
Did you know that today’s best marital aids are made from a wide variety of materials, and not all of them are skin safe? Obviously, you’ll want to seek the hypoallergenic options which include silicone, thermoplastic elastomer (TPE), polyvinyl chloride (PVC), stainless-steel, glass or a patented plastic or polycarbonate blend. Those materials are not only good for your complexion but they also work wonders with a dollop of water-based lube – something you probably already have in your stash.
The Features
Never forget to compare the features of the toys you’re considering. Even similar products can have components that differ tremendously. Ideal features are subjective to the user. Always look for products that have the workings of greatness based on how you plan to enjoy them. Think about things like user mobility, skill level and available equipment to get a good idea about the value and efficacy of the device in your hand.
The Purposes
Extra-large dildos are intended to stimulating penetration, but cock rings and pussy clamps are for something different entirely. Don’t expect one single toy to do everything. Mix and match to create a well-rounded collection. That is, of course, unless you enjoy being frustrated and getting made fun of. Ensure the design of the toy in question is compatible with your desires to prevent unnecessary hiccups in the bedroom.
The Ergonomics
Ergonomics involve the study and manipulation of various design features to make a product or machine more compatible with the average human body. If the end result is made without ergonomic components, it either won’t sell or won’t do its job. Size, shape, features and purposes aside, if the manufacturer of a sex device doesn’t execute its design in an ergonomic way then the device will be rendered virtually useless by the consumer. Almost everyone knows that, but there are still a few stragglers who obviously haven’t got the memo.
The User-Friendliness
Ergonomics, size and shape all play a big role in how easy any product is to use. However, those aren’t the only things that determine it. Features aside, the way in which the components of a device are manipulated can change the game instantly. On high-tech/mechanical items especially, look for user-friendly things like:
- Built-in push-button controls, touch-sensitive pads, or wireless remotes
- Tapered/bulbous ends or loops for easy insertion/removal
- Removeable/Interchangeable components
- Rechargeable batteries
- Washable covers
- Travel lock features
- Whisper quiet operation
- Integrated power sources
- Included storage containers
- Non-porous materials for easy cleaning
Keep in mind that some products do require the help of a partner or the instructions from the manual to be properly set up or used. However, the directions are usually simple and, once completed, have little to no effect on the overall user-friendliness of the device.
The Versatility
For the budgeter and the creative soul alike, versatile options are the cream of the crop. Not only do they serve numerous purposes but they’re also pretty nifty contraptions that function in several ways while also being cool to look at. Furthermore, adaptable devices tend to assimilate well into your existing collection, making them a sound purchase for anyone who’s unsure where to begin. Look for things like adjustable shapes/sizes, mounts, hooks, holes and anything else that would make the product a better team player.
The Compatibility
Today’s most luxurious options take the words “team player” to a whole new level, with industry-leading technologies that make some sex toys compatible with others in exciting and interactive ways. From Bluetooth and smart phone apps to virtual reality and motion-sensing, contemporary tools for creative lovemaking are now available and more affordable than ever. Even the super simple stuff is joining the big leagues of compatibility with fun features like harness-friendly shapes, suction cup ends and durable O-rings, so don’t miss out.
The Cost
Try not to get sticker shock when you look at some of these toys. And never forget that the initial price of whichever item you like is not a good indication of what you’ll actually end up paying. Always add in the cost of cleanliness, maintenance, accessories, batteries and replacement parts. Create a flexible budget while keeping your eyes peeled for special discounts, coupon codes and manufacturer incentives. Also understand that some devices some with a warranty or money-back guarantee, so trying it won’t end up costing you a thing if it’s a shitty product.
The Top 10: Today’s Best BDSM Sex Toys & Sex Gear In 2019:
Learning all of this stuff about dominance devices is the easy part, believe it or not. Hunting down the best supportive contraption is what’s hard, especially when so many options have most (if not all) of the high-quality features mentioned above. Indeed, today’s manufacturer has certainly stepped up their game and I’m just happy to be alive to see it, even if that means I get a headache in the process. You don’t want to know what our ancestors were exposed to; their rudimentary and often unsafe tools were nothing like these top 10 toys below. The following are in no particular order, by the way:
#1 The Bondage Boutique “Bound to Please” Under Mattress Restraint
BEST FOR BEGINNERS
As one of the most user-friendly restraints on the market, the BB “Bound to Please” comes in an easy to use kit that features all the restrictive components you need to enjoy kinky roleplaying games in the comfort of your own home. Simply slip it under the four corners of your mattress and tie your partner up using the 4 Velcro-fastening cuffs. Strap them down and have your way with them, all without causing any pain, injury or embarrassment (unless you want it to). Open the doorway to opportunity using the adjustable straps that extend to 4 feet each. Compatible with other toys and suitable for almost any size bed, this amazing device gets everyone accustomed to the feeling of being restrained against their will.
#2 The Coco de Mer Brown Leather Flogger
BEST FOR FUN FLOGGING
Get kinky while empowering the dirty dom in you with this neat and clean leather flogger by Coco de Mer – one of the world’s best-known brands for luxury marital aids. Sensual, sexy, sturdy and safe, the expert craftsmanship of the CDM flogger is apparent as soon as it touches your hand. With a solid, heavy-duty handle and supremely soft suede fronds that measure 17 inches in total length, it produces everything from gentle tickles to sharp slaps for a fun and versatile playdate every single time you touch pick it up.