click here.<\/a><\/p>\nWhy Should I Care?<\/b><\/h4>\n
The tight cunt of today\u2019s sex toy industry requires a throbbing perspective to navigate its many nooks and crannies. Because it makes so much sense to utilize the marvels of modern technology to bust a solid nut no matter where your favorite partner is, possessing the skills to choose wisely among the most popular sex toys is what\u2019s going to get you laid more than once every 6 months. It doesn\u2019t matter how attractive or likeable you are; if you can\u2019t get your partner off, you\u2019re bound to get dumped.<\/p>\n
While I can\u2019t stress enough how important it is to come correct in a long-distance relationship, many of the top interactive couple\u2019s play toys have features that make them ideal for solo acts as well. There\u2019s nothing wrong with being selfish occasionally. The most appealing part about these types of toys is that they\u2019re versatile, giving users the best of both worlds. For the price of one toy (and maybe a few accessories), you get to have endless self-pleasure sessions by yourself or play in real-time with someone else regardless of their location. Now that\u2019s what I call a party.<\/p>\n
You Snooze, You Lose <\/b><\/h4>\n
Simply hopping on Google to search for the best interactive, long-distance sex toy is a terrible idea. Not only will you be inundated with options, but you\u2019ll probably get ripped off. Shopping through a reputable source is always your best bet, but who the fuck is that when you don\u2019t know where to begin? Getting a little insight on the market before offering up your credit card info is just smart thinking, but it\u2019s also a great way to remove all the obstacles that stand between you and a decent orgasm.<\/p>\n
If you wait around for the right sex toy to fall into your lap, you\u2019re going to be waiting a long time. While some of the best options out there are deliciously lap-tastic, there\u2019s still a skilled discovery process involved in the selection of them. That shit can be confusing to say the least. Have no fear; John James and the Funky Bunch are here.<\/p>\n
Below is a list of the top 5 qualities you should look for in one of these fancy sons of bitches:<\/p>\n
\n- Rash-Free Raunchiness<\/b> \u2013 The toy you choose should be made from a material to which you are not allergic, or better yet composed of medical-grade silicone or another hypoallergenic substance. Don\u2019t say I didn\u2019t warn you.<\/li>\n
- Ask and You Shall Receive<\/b> \u2013 The bastard needs plenty of compatible accessories because even the best shit gets boring eventually. Moreover, good-feeling shit usually makes the freak flag fly. So, yes; options matter.<\/li>\n
- An Arm and a Leg<\/b> \u2013 Most of the toys like this are competitively and reasonably priced. Don\u2019t go paying too much for your shit, but understand that you get what you pay for. Enough said.<\/li>\n
- Bells and Whistles<\/b> \u2013 Your chosen toy should have more than enough features to keep you and your partner(s) interested and satisfied for quite some time. After all, you\u2019re likely to pay a couple hundred for one toy without any accessories, so it needs to be well worth the money.<\/li>\n
- Quality Over Quantity<\/b> \u2013 Some of the toys in this category boast tons of virtual reality porn content, but their shit is wack. Others admit to not having as much content, but what they do have is amazing. Look for a middle-of-the-road content package to enjoy plenty of top-notch variety.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
It\u2019s possible to create your ideal fuck fest with the right equipment, but without some knowledge as to what that is, it\u2019s harder than a three-peckered puppy in an ice storm. Look for high-quality products with lots of sexy accessories, tons of fabulous features, and plenty of high-quality VR content included. You may pay more than what you originally expected, but you\u2019ll never pay more than you should if you find the right toy.<\/p>\n
After scouring the market, it became evident that only a handful of these bitches stood out as anything worth paying for. I, for one, don\u2019t like wasting my cash on bullshit. I also hate blue balls, malfunctioning equipment, and shoddy engineering. I\u2019ll throw that shit out the window and publicly talk trash about it with a quickness. Call it a pet peeve, call it narcissism, call it whatever you want. Just don\u2019t call me a fool because I only fuck the finest.<\/p>\n
Just the Tip <\/b><\/h4>\n
I know that shopping for the best sex toy is a daunting task, even with the help of this information. So, I\u2019ve put together a few quick tips to help you decide (and to help you make the most of your decision):<\/p>\n
\n- Check the power source to be sure it\u2019s compatible with your home\u2019s outlets. Some toys require an adapter. <\/i><\/li>\n
- Warm the toy\u2019s sleeve manually or with a sleeve warming accessory for a more realistic experience. <\/i><\/li>\n
- Be sure to register your toy accordingly to gain access to the brand\u2019s exclusive online content. <\/i><\/li>\n
- Database registration and club membership are sometimes required to use all features of the toy. <\/i><\/li>\n
- Some of the online content is only accessible with a paid subscription, so buyer beware. <\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
It\u2019s also important to note that these toys come shipped in unmarked boxes and have encrypted websites from which to order your supplies. Whether playing solo or with a friend, nobody has to know how much of a sick pervert you are and that\u2019s good news for all of us.<\/p>\n
Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner <\/b><\/h4>\n
As mentioned, there are a fuck ton of toys on the modern-day market that are worth mentioning, but the best automatic, interactive, Bluetooth compatible, long-distance sex toys have been covered. While it\u2019s always difficult to pick favorites, someone has to do it, and I\u2019ve been chosen as the class asshole like always. Luckily, I don\u2019t mind.<\/p>\n
<\/a>If opinions are like assholes, then I have a tight and sexy one. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it\u2019s just that some people need their eyes poked out. I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a class asshole signed up for that job, so for now, I\u2019ll just keep complaining about scientifically-rendered top sex toys for guys<\/a> that are designed to do nothing else but make me cum despite my longitude, latitude, or attitude. As for the 5 featured toys, it\u2019s difficult to choose which one I like the best because they all have redeeming qualities, and each is perfectly suited for its intended purposes. I suppose it all comes down, once again, to a matter of opinion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"[go_pricing id=”masturbato_5b0808dd2546c”] The wonderful world of sex is on a whole new level these days, with futuristic fuck toys, … <\/p>\n
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