Our boss came into the break room the other day holding this big, round synthetic ass and it got our attention immediately. Accustomed to fucking hand-held sex toys, our team was more than a little eager to bust a nut inside a fake butt. The question was whether it would be worth our time (or your money), so we put it to the test repeatedly – perfecting our stroke and our approach to the point where we were getting the best that the product could offer. Here is what we found out.
What Is The Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly?
This thing is a monster of a sex toy, so be prepared when picking it up. What it lacks in realism it makes up for in sheer girth, weighing in at about 7 kilograms (for our American friends, that’s roughly 15 pounds). When our boss slammed these voluptuous ladies on our desks we thought we were sampling the wares of a brand’s entire lineup. It turns out we were merely assigned to fuck a single toy. And so much for discretion with this ginormous box decorated with the words “Fuck my big black ass” across the front. We can see the jealous wives and girlfriends of the world joining hands in protest as we speak.
Other than the over-the-top labeling, the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly Male Masturbator is a simple sex toy shaped like the lower half of a woman that’s hotter than any of ours. Tight, taunt, and never a tease, the fuckable vagina and anus are highlighted by a supple and (somewhat) realistic-feeling material called Fanta Flesh. We won’t be throwing our ladies out on the streets just yet, though. We liked the sensations provided by the toy’s dual canals, but that doesn’t mean we’re ready to let go of our favorites either.
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The Main Features Of The Pipedream Fuck Me Silly Mega Masturbator
The Fuck Me Silly is, indeed, a real contender in the male masturbator market. This toy features two separate openings – a pussy and an asshole – which allowed us to take our pick at will. Each hole has a slightly different circumference too, although we were surprised by how similar they were to one another in both size and texture. The makers have developed distinct patterning on the internal sleeves of each canal, but there is no self-heating feature, no Oculus Rift or VR compatibility, and no vibrator whatsoever. In short, this little number is ideal for those no-frills dudes who want to get in and get out.
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The main features worth mentioning are few due to the relatively uncomplicated nature of the product. Aside from the synthetic material and the durability of the toy itself, the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly is nothing short of an expensive visual aid that can be customized based on color. Costing the average consumer nearly $700 is one thing, but being little more than a heavy set of fuck holes for that price is another. Do we sound too harsh here? Does it help that we gave her cab fare in the morning?
What’s Comes in the Box?
The packaging is about as clear-cut as the product. No special features and no attractive branding. Unless you like enormous B-grade porn pictures and cursive neon fonts, we suggest selecting the “gift wrapping” option when you buy it. Besides with the fuck toy itself, the box was filled with packing peanuts and paperwork, and buried deep inside we discovered some small bottles that looked useful: lube, toy cleaning solution, and renewal powder. We just sat those things aside and began setting up our booty boudoir; it was obvious this was going to be quick and painless. Man, the makers of the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly are all about efficiency, aren’t they? We can appreciate that.
What It Feels Like
Keep in mind that the simplicity of this product has nothing to do with the pleasure we experienced while we were balls deep in it. We can’t help but be a little bias to the toys that made our toes tingle, and this is one of them. While the internal canals are not as tight as we would have liked them to be, they did provide a nice, solid grip on our junk from the base to the shaft. With enough space to cram a 7-inch dick, the Fuck Me Silly was an ideal fit for almost every man on the team. Simply put: banging the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly reminded us of pounding our wives’ broken-in pussies without the request for a cup of water afterwards.
Our Cheers and Jeers
You should know by now that our team has a problem with damn near everything. Is it too much to ask for a perfect pussy? This toy we review today is nowhere close, but it has some redeeming qualities for sure. Let’s have a look:
- PLEASANTLY SURPRISED: It offers two separate canals, so we would pull out and slide it into her ass without having to apologize afterwards.
- POUND IT, BRO: It weighs enough to take it like a champ – for a while at least. Some of us fuck like animals.
- FEELING THINGS OUT: The Fanta Flesh material wasn’t the best but we stopped noticing that once we slid our curious cocks into her curvy cavern.
- MAKE THE MOST OF IT: The box includes all the supplies needed to enjoy and maintain the toy for quite some time.
- BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET: It is an affordable substitute for higher-end models.
- COUSHIN FOR THE PUSHIN’: Its springy material felt great against our crotch and balls as we slapped it and tapped it to the rhythm of our blows.
- DIP IT. DIP IT REAL GOOD: It can be fully submersed in water without sustaining the slightest bit of damage.
- ADAPT TO THE WILD: The material lining the canals quickly adjusts to match your body temperature.
- OVERSIMPLIFICATION: Not as high-tech or sensational as the Pornhub Twerking Butt Deluxe, which is the only thing comparable to the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly.
- FAKE AS HELL: The Fanta Flesh material is no match for CyberSkin (and doesn’t even come close to SuperSkin if we’re completely honest here).
- BOLT IT DOWN: It sometimes scoots across the table or bed when things get hot and heavy, so its weight doesn’t really matter too much when all is said and done.
- HOPE YOU HAVE A FAT DICK (NOT REALLY): The vaginal and anal canals do not feel as tight as some of the other toys we’ve sexually harassed, and we have average-sized dongs.
- THE SOUNDS OF SEX: The toy’s core is made from a type of foam, which produced a weird vacuum-like sound when we thrusted down hard.
- DIRTY HABITS: The openings connect to a single chamber with no exit, which makes cleaning a pain in the ass (no pun intended).
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- Autoblow 2
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- 9 vibrating motors
- Super-quiet, for when discretion is needed
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- Lovense Max
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- Vibrates and contracts
Nobody said this fuck toy wasn’t worth the number on the price tag. Having more than a handheld jerkoff machine is a real treat, but there’s a reason men have been doing it the same way for many years. There’s nothing quite like a good, old-fashioned nut, we’re just trying to help you find the right butt.
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The Final Verdict
We don’t want to sound too forward here, but our main concern is your dick. We won’t try to convince you to fuck something that’s not worth your time. Don’t your friends do that to you enough? And since we’re being honest here, we must say that the Pipedream Fuck Me Silly Male Masturbator is, for the most part, worth the money.
It is not going to vibrate your tensions away, and if you want to visualize yourself fucking someone specific, you’ll have to set up porn on the DVD player like the rest of us. Also, some of us thought it smelled like shit when we opened the box. However, those newbies have since been educated on the fact that most fake pussies have a distinct chemical odor initially, and we encouraged them to get out there and fuck that virgin smell away. We suggest you do the same.
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