Our boos recently decided that he needed to stop giving us bullshit sex toys and start handing us stuff that would really get our attention. So, he comes in the breakroom just as we’re discussing our qualms with the last toy, holding these little luxurious boxes containing what we can only guess to be our next “masturbatory mission.” After the junk that’s been thrust on our laps lately, we logically assumed the box contained another one of those run-of-the-mill fuck toys that made a futile attempt at mimicking the greats. As it turns out, we were wrong again. I think our boss gets a kick out of this shit.
Now we’re just a bunch of blubbering assholes trying to save face like we weren’t talking shit. As we opened and began examining the Cobra Libre II, it became increasingly obvious that were handling some high-quality stuff. The more we looked at it, the more we wanted to use it. The more we used it, the less we wanted to come in to work. Who’s got the last laugh now, boss man?
Cobra Libre II Promotional Video
What Is the Cobra Libre II?
At first glance, the Cobra Libre II looks a lot like the open mouth of a slithering snake as it gets ready to swallow a fat mouse. What it looks like and what it is are two different things, however. The Cobra Libre II is just a handheld, vibrating male masturbator with various customizable pleasure settings. It’s made from smooth materials to reduce friction and is designed primarily to stimulate the corona, or head, of the penis. No snake charming skills required.
The Main Features
We find that luxury sex toys have better components that are made from better materials. The Cobra Libre II is a good example of that. First of all, it comes in either black or red so you can easily coordinate it with the rest of your stylish fuck squad. Secondly, it is made from a medical grade silicon and skin-safe plastic blend that’s completely waterproof, protecting the two high-powered mechanisms inside. It arrives locked to preserve battery life, and has an internal length of 3.5 inches and a canal diameter of 2 inches – a literal one-size-fits-all product.
Working this bad boy isn’t rocket science either. Apparently, the makers of the Cobra Libre II know how difficult it is to get your brain to function properly when you’re climaxing. It features a “FUN to Play” button that quickly cycles through the various vibration patterns and locks or unlocks the toy. This thing is different from other sex toys on the market that usually concentrate on stimulating the entire shaft. It focuses on the sweet spot and cares not what size cock you have. We might be snake charmers after all.
What Comes in the Box?
This toy is swanky as hell inside and out. Even the packaging looked and felt sensual, but don’t worry; we didn’t fuck the box. We simply opened it up and took inventory like good little boys. Here is what we found nestled deep within the sexy curves and corners of the container. (Okay, maybe we fucked the box a little):
- The Cobra Libre II (of course)
- A magnetic USB charging cable (about 8 inches long)
- An instruction manual
We noticed that there was no carrying case in the box, but we just assumed that the makers knew we’d never put it away so they didn’t bother. Good call. There’s also no lube or toy cleaner in the box, but you should probably already have some of that shit if you’re reading reviews on sex toys.
What It Feels Like
Boss man always asks us to describe what each toy feels like, and he likes to do it right after we get done with our “experiments.” I guess he thinks it makes the descriptions pure, but we think it makes him a cunt. Either way, we sat down to discuss our opinions about the sensations provided by the Cobra Libre II because we’d prefer not to get fired. If we had to sum it up into one sentence, we’d say it felt as if a dehydrated snake was juicing our dicks. Someone call PETA. This has to be illegal. No wonder it’s one of the top 3 sex toys in the industry today.
Our Cheers and Jeers
You know us. We’re some ungrateful bastards who never like anything 100%. Although there were some minor issues we found with the Cobra Libre II, we couldn’t come up with much. Maybe we’re getting soft.
- Rain on Me – The Cobra Libre II is 100% submersible, so you can bring it with you to the rainforest without worrying about predators.
- Take a Licking, Keep on Ticking – It’s fully rechargeable using the included magnetic USB cable.
- Me Love You Long Time – The fully charged lifespan of this thing is impressive. We shut off before it did.
- Eco-Friendly Fucking – It doesn’t use any batteries whatsoever.
- Quiet as a Mouse – Nobody has to know you’re feeding your dick to a robotic snake unless you want them to.
- Angle to Your Dangle – The open-mouth design allows you to move it around at different angles to experience a variety of sensations.
- Hang on Tight – Its ergonomic design makes it easy to hold, even when you’re about to explode.
- Vibe It Out – The numerous vibration sequences provide stimulation to both sensitive and desensitized penises.
- Quiver and Quake – There’s a little lip on the top of the opening that tickles your shaft as the toy vibrates.
- Safe and Sexy, Just the Way We Like It – No phthalates or latex was used in the making of this sex toy.
- A Closed Mouth Don’t Get Fucked – There is nowhere to put your business when it squirts out, so be prepared for a massive cleanup when you’re done.
- Is This Thing On? – Nobody tells you in comes locked, so most of us thought it was broken at first. You have to push the “FUN to Play” button for 3 seconds until it buzzes and we didn’t know that. Talk about frustrating.
- Little Option Annie – Since it has no batteries, you have to make sure it’s always charged or else you’re stuck giving yourself an old fashioned handy.
We couldn’t come up with many things we didn’t like about the Cobra Libre II, and that’s just not like us. Perhaps we’ve lost our touch, or maybe this is just one of those sex toys that has it all.
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The Final Verdict
We didn’t want to be partial, but it ended up that way despite our best efforts. The Cobra Libre II is, by far, the best corona stimulation machine we’ve used in a long time. We think adding a vibrating cock ring to the mix would make this one hell of a ride, if it isn’t already enough for you the way it is. Rating this mad masturbatory machine was kind of tricky though, mostly because we hadn’t witnessed anything like this before. But, the more we went back over our notes the more we realized that the Cobra Libre II deserves every bit of the rating we’re giving it. On a scale of 1 to 10, this thing gets a solid 9.5 every time.