So I recently got my hands on the AutoBlow 2, or should I say it got its hands on me. I have a lot of really good things to say about it so far, and I have been using mine about three times a week for the last two months. Don’t get me wrong: the developers still have a couple adjustments they could make to the overall design and appearance, but all-in-all it’s a pretty solid machine that definitely had my toes curling. I’ll start out with the basics.
What Is the AutoBlow 2?
Basically, it’s just this automatic blowjob machine that you hold in your hand and pleasure yourself with. Now, I know there are about a million male sex toys out there, but this one is a little different. The fella creating them, for one, is quite the imaginative guy – as you can see by looking at the almost retro yet modern-looking design of the outer casing. The way it works is pretty attention-getting too, but we will get into that later.
For two, the entire contraption looks more like one of those big camping flashlights than a hand-held blowjob robot. I am kind of grateful for that, actually. My buddy says it reminds him of a thermos with a handle on it. Another says it looks like the phone that Zack Morris used on “Saved by the Bell.” The sleeve, which comes in three different sizes, is reminiscent of those high-end Fleshlight masturbators in that it features an anatomically correct-ish mouth on the top. I find that feature quite nice, especially when I’m using it at full speed.
Which reminds me, the AutoBlow2 has a few different settings that I think have earned some discussion. After all, it is – in my humble opinion – one of the best hand-held masturbators I have used in a very long time. Let’s go over the main specs really quick:
Autoblow 2 Promotional Video
The Main Features
The AutoBlow 2 is pretty simple to describe now that I have had my come-down cigarette. No seriously, once you slide this bad boy onto your dick it’s curtains. The material of the sleeve is more or less lifelike and, depending on the size of the sleeve you pick, is plenty big enough to accommodate your member and tight enough without cutting off your circulation. It plugs into the wall so it doesn’t ever need to be charged. However, the unit is not compatible with some overseas outlets so I’d suggest checking on that before taking it with you on a trip.
It is not exactly small, but it’s not so huge that you can’t fit it into your luggage either. I keep mine hidden in my sock drawer and my girlfriend is none the wiser so far. Nor does she know yet that the AutoBlow 2 does a better job on my penis than she does. I’m just saying: if the AutoBlow learns how to cook me dinner, she’s fucked.
Oh and one more thing: this particular toy features a design that is supposed to support hands-free use. That means its motor is powerful enough to maintain a realistic blowjob sensation without you having to do anything. Its motor is also guaranteed to last at least 500 hours, which means you can get your dick sucked for almost 22 days straight without stopping. If you can go that long, then sir, you need to stop reading this shit and call Guinness.
How I Use It Like It Owes Me Money
Meanwhile, back on Planet Average Joe, I’m tearing this thing up weekly like it stole my credit cards and brought its toothbrush over to my house. I mean, I seriously think we are going out now. Either way, this is how I use the AutoBlow 2. I’ve got mine in Size B (and I have a Size C on backup just in case this penis extender actually works). I typically use it on medium speed and these are my usual results:
- I put the sleeve into the machine. Sizes range according to penis size as follows:
- I slap on some of my best lube.
- I slide myself in and get comfortable.
- I turn it onto slow (low speed) to begin.
- I crank it up on high for a second, just because that shit feels amazing.
- I turn it back down to medium speed to finish myself off.
- I clean off and clean up.
- Enough said.
I can’t go for very long on high speed, and I don’t know anyone who can. Furthermore, I’m not sure it is quite ready for guys with large dicks. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you fucks, but don’t you think you’re lucky enough already?
Despite its somewhat limiting flaws, the AutoBlow 2 has a bunch of redeeming qualities I think make it a real contender in the ‘Fight for the Right to Party with your Pants Off’. There are quite a few things I thought made it pretty cool, even if it has to be plugged into the wall and can’t accommodate my fatter-cocked friends, those bastards.
What I Liked about It
Not all sex toys are created equally, but you already know that. This thing, though, had me reeling from the very first motion of the dual-ring massagers that glide up and down like the tongue of my very talented yet batshit crazy college girlfriend who shall remain nameless. I didn’t see it coming, but when I was climaxing with it for the first time I let out a roar like a goddamn lion and my roommate came crashing in because he thought I had killed myself. To make a long story short, he ended up buying one of his own about a week later.
Here is what I like about it. You’ll have to ask him his opinion about his if you can get him out of his bedroom:
- Ergonomically designed handle for a comfortable grip
- Powerful action no matter what speed you have it on
- No manual pumping required (unless you want to)
- Can be used hands-free
- Has multiple sleeve sizes for men with various penis girth
I also found it quite handy that the sleeve is easily removable for maintenance. Unlike some of the sex toy materials out there, it was rather simple to clean with none of that stickiness that you sometimes get when you wipe off your wad.
Their Indiegogo Pitch Video (must see)
What I Didn’t Like about It
Like I said, there were a few things I didn’t find so amazing when I tried the AutoBlow 2. I think that’s just what happens when you experience something new, and I know that I have seen my fair share of sex toys in my day so my dick is pretty picky. More so than that though, once you use something for a while, you start to think of ways you could make it even better. It’s only natural.
Here are my thoughts on what could be improved on the AutoBlow 2, although it was pretty hard to come up with this list while I was using it:
- I wouldn’t hate on the designer if they made the grip a little smaller or at least adjustable.
- Although there are three action speeds, it wouldn’t hurt to have a sliding speed for fully customizable blowjobs.
- Even though I’m obviously jealous of my friends with bigger penises, I’d have to say it’s not fair that they can’t experience this shit for themselves.
That Being Said
The makers of the AutoBlow 2 say that it is “the original massage chair for your penis” and I would have to agree. After a long, hard day, there are few things better than sitting down for a nice, solid blowjob. Too bad we can’t get our partners to feel that way. Little do they know: they’re slowly being phased out by machines like this one. They better step their game up, that’s all I can say.
My Final Verdict
Overall, this device felt almost exactly like the real thing, minus the gagging and possible scraping. It was nice not having to apologize for bricking without pulling out too, which is a sensation I never thought I’d feel again. It can suck me until my dick is raw and I don’t have to take it to dinner one time. It’s almost like one of those “TAKE MY MONEY” situations, even if the thing works like shit.
I also just found out that there is an AutoBlow 2 VIP that is clear. The next time I get a blowjob from a robot I’m going to watch the whole thing go down. They might not appreciate it on YouTube, but I’ll certainly love it in my bedroom (or bathroom, or kitchen, or living room, or in the car, or on an airplane). I’d give this thing 4 out of 5 stars, just because I want to see what else the developers can come up with. You can get more information or buy Autoblow 2 at their official website.